You go to Arabic restaurants, tell the owners you're Arab, and think you're
going to get free food.

You have to constantly remind your American friends to take off their shoes when they enter your house.

You flip out when someone mistakes you for a Mexican or Indian.

You say "bolice" instead of "police".

You inherited or will inherit land in your country.

You brag about your kids even if they are bad.

Your spouse is also your first cousin.

You're fat and blame it on the kids, or you're bald and blame it on the stress.

Your aunt asks you when she can dance at your wedding.

You smoke as if it were your last day on earth...and you only smoke Marlboro.

You think its cool to dance and smoke at the same time.

You wear more cologne than deodorant.

You fight over who pays the dinner bill.

You pronounce "comfortable" cun-fort-a-bull.

You say the letter "h" like "etch."

You put olive oil in and on everything and brag about how healthy it is.

You gossip about your own family...with members of your own family.

You **** a meal that lasts 3 days.

You pity anyone who is not an Arab and think all other cultures are morally corrupt.

You have fruit trees in your backyard and when they are in season you live off them.

You don't use the word "tease" in English cause you feel weird.

Your father swears at you with words that effect himself (Ibn-Kalb).

You have 500,000,000 cousins.

Your relatives alone could populate a small city.

At weddings it takes the bride and groom 4 hours to kiss all the guests.

You "get down" from the car instead of "getting out" of it.

You have a gold necklace of your name written in Arabic.

Your middle name is your father's first name.

If you are male, you're named after your grandfather or great-grandfather.

You play cards till the break of dawn.

You can't have a meal without bread.

You never run out of bizzer.

You get offended when Americans call Arabic bread "Pita bread"

If you are an Arab woman, you dye your hair an obviously fake shade of blonde that is nonexistent in nature and swear that it's natural.

You feel proud when someone famous or a celebrity has any Arabic blood in them.

You teach your American friends Arabic words (mostly bad ones) and get happy when they use them in normal conversations.

Your Mom has a creative nickname for you like "Natoosheh," or "Tuntooneh."

You have a difficult Arabic name so you come up with an Americanized version of it like "Sam" or "Mike."

You have someone tell you your fortune through your coffee cup.

You love Um Kalthoom and if you don't, your dad makes you listen to her and tries to translate the words into English so you can appreciate her as much as he does.

Three or more relatives live in your neighborhood.
If you're a single Arab guy, you tell women you're a "successful businessman" or that you "own a successful business back home" even if you're an unemployed goat herder.

You get real happy and call the whole family to the room when there is a special or ********ary on Arabs or anything Arabic related on CNN or PBS.

Your mother yells at the top of her lungs to call you to dinner even if you're in the next room.

You arrive one or two hours late to a party and think it's normal.

You are standing next to the largest suitcases at the Airport.

You talk for an hour at the front door when leaving someone's house.

You say bye 17 times on the phone.

Your parents still scream at the top of their lungs when making long distance calls.

Your relatives alone could populate a small city.

You always say "open the light" instead of "turn the light on".

You've had a shoe thrown at you by your mother.

When your parents meet strangers and talk for a few minutes, you discover they know one of your uncles back home.

Your mother does everything for you if you are male.

You do all the housework and ****ing if you are female.

You refer to your dad's friends as Amoo.

You still came back home to live with your parents after you graduate.

You have an endless supply of pistachios, dates, and pumpkin seeds.

Your parents say you're becoming westernized anytime you get into trouble.

You curse at your teachers or strangers in Arabic.

You have at least thirty cousins.

Your parents want you to become a doctor or engineer.

You use your forehead and eyebrows to point something out.

Your parents drink 6 cups of tea a day.

You can spot an Arab a mile away and they have spotted you because they keep staring.

After a family meal, the women fight to the death over who should wash the dishes while the men sit on their behinds and discuss politics, waiting for their tea.


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